Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
