I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
