I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
