i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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