Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
