I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize