god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We have started to decorate penises.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
