he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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