Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
