careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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