he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
