You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
