I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
