i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
