I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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