mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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