Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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