just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
God, I missed his penis.
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