I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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