I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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