We're like a lot better than the average bears
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
