pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
