True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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