If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
