standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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