Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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