I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize