oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
