What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
