i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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