she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize