If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
