she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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