My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did i walk over a car last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize