I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
