she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
