He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
