Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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