brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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