some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize