I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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