I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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