I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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