Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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