Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
