i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
