i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
