He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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