ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
