I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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