you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
