I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
