My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
