I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
