I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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