Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
