that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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