i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
