the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
