Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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