so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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