If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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