no, he came in my armpit
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
