oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
