Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
