Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
