What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
