I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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