guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
