Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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