He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
