I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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