We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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