I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
