6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
