So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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