my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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