Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
