Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
