I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
