Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize